Character Growth vs Player Growth

Or what Tarin Doomsinger reminded me about life.

In a recent session, my character, Tarin Doomsinger, a big strong barbarian, was taken down a notch in several ways; he was socially defeated by some npc's and defeated in arena combat by a young, female, mage.

Both Tarin and I learned some valuable lessons.

Tarin is discovering that the world he is playing in doesn’t always go his way. This session has him second guessing his tactics and life choices. It seems he can’t just show up and bully others with a menacing glare and he can’t afford to underestimate those who seem lesser than he.

As a player, I am learning that the world my DM is running is no joke. There are rules, and if you trifle with them, there are consequences and I love that. I am also learning that playing Tarin, as I have been, is going to get him killed. Which leads me to an interesting question,

Who is growing here? Me or my character?

Allow me to break down my dual epiphany

In-Game Epiphany for Tarin

Here is how the session has Tarin is feeling,

He has to acknowledge defeat

"I was humbled today. That young mage showed me that strength isn't always measured in muscle."

He has to question past assumptions

"I've always relied on my brute force. But maybe there's more to this world than just raw power."

He has to embrace learning/wisdom

"Perhaps it's time to learn from others. Maybe even from those smaller and seemingly weaker than me."

He has to consider magic a tool as well as a weapon

"Magic... it's a strange and powerful force. Maybe it's time to understand it, not just fear it.”

Meta Epiphany For Me

As a player, I have to consider these points to guide Tarin’s development, should he pursue life and not an untimely or fruitless death.

Should I embrace vulnerability?

Do I allow Tarin to show weakness and vulnerability? It certainly would make him more relatable and less of a caricature but is he now “weaker” because of these setbacks?

I don’t think this apocalyptic Barbarian is weaker because of failure but wiser and he may be on the verge of writing The Tao of Doom.

Should failure be a part of Tarin’s character arc?

I think failure is a part of every human’s character arc, if we do not learn from our mistakes we are doomed to repeat them, but failure is also what makes character’s from literature and movie more interesting.

Who is Rocky if he doesn’t lose his first fight?

Who is Conan if he is not first a slave?

These setbacks are now a part of Tarin’s backstory and for me to play Tarin as if they had never happened would be disingenuous.

Moving forward I will likely,

Expand Tarin’s Horizons

Will Tarin continue to honor his god Ramlaat and seek the end of all things? Yes, most likely. He will seek The Doom in all things, but I will be expanding his horizons to explore new interests, skills, and perspectives of and toward The Doom.

Collaborate with Other Players

Tarin is not a loner, he fights willingly and bravely alongside others. When you fight, you have Tarin’s great ax. What Tarin must do is see himself through the eyes of others and gain perspective.

Respect the World and its Inhabitants

The world Tarin plays in, is not just a backdrop for Tarin’s adventures, it's a living, breathing place with its own rules and dynamics. If Tarin is to survive to play another day, he must learn and adapt.

You may say, Paul, “You’re playing in a Shadowdark campaign, you’re lucky you’ve live this long, don’t overthink it.”

Am I overthinking a game session? Yes, thanks for noticing my default attribute.

To me, this is what makes gaming both fun and interesting. I play a character and my character does amazing things I cannot, and would not, do in real life.

Every now and again though, a character like in literature or in the movies, comes along has something to teach me, even if it’s the character I’m playing.

My life lessons take-aways

1. Failure is ok. It won’t kill me, unless I move to the Shadowdark.

2. Fail often (which means I’m trying) and adapt as I go. I don’t have to be the same me I’ve always been. I get to choose who I will be every day even if the dice don’t roll my way.

3. The world is a harsh place, I can treat it with flippancy (FAFO) or respect the dangers and approach things more cautiously, curiously without judgment.

As for Tarin Doomsinger, we’ll just have to see how hard his head is and if change is truly in his future.

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Have you ever had something happen in a game session, to your character, that changed your perspective on how you played that character? Or reminded you of a life lesson? Let me know.